Until Valhalla
The man that gifted me this camera gave me some really empowering advice that may sound simple, but it has changed the way I see who I am. He said: Believe you are the dopest person in the room. Know you’re dope no matter who is in the room before you walk in.
You hold all this noise in your heart for so long that it ends up becoming a perspective of yourself that just isn’t true to who you really are. Let out all the noise with the biggest war cry you have. The world has enough women who live a masked insecurity. It needs more women who live a brave vulnerability.
Forever grateful for you @aboynamedjamil_ 🙏 for changing how I see the world and my place within it. ❤️
Stop worrying about other people understanding you. Get in touch with yourself instead. Focus on what makes you happy and what makes your soul feel at peace.
You are your biggest commitment.
𝙎𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙛𝙡𝙖𝙬𝙨, 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙖𝙬𝙠𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙙𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨, 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙨𝙞𝙩𝙮, 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙫𝙪𝙡𝙣𝙚𝙧𝙖𝙗𝙞𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙮. ❤️
Life becomes so much more fulfilling when you are just simply 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕗. The world keeps spinning whether people understand you or not, so why not make this next trip around the sun ☀️ about you?
Never apologize for the madness that made you a warrior. 🛡
Growing up, I didn’t watch and want to be Disney princesses. Maybe having a foreign mum made our childhood not as dependent upon Snow Whites, Ariels, and Belles. I grew up idolizing Xena and her sidekick Gabrielle.
I was a very reserved, obedient, shy kid that went through a fair amount of childhood/family trauma. I didn’t think I could “be” like Xena. And I was never encouraged to try. I suffered from militant perfectionism trying to constantly appease family that weren’t perfect themselves. I cannot…CANNOT stress how incredibly enslaving that feeling can be.
It drives me craaaaazy when family (now) recognize my daughter’s stubborn, albeit strong nature, and try to categorize me as being the hereditary line that gave her those traits. ABSOLUTELY. CRAZY. What they don’t know is that I wasn’t allowed to be strong with my chin up. I always had my head bowed in a book, quietly reading to try to escape into another’s story because it had to be better than the one I was living. I was desperate to shrink myself as small as I could be to take up less space.
I let Waylin feel how she wants to feel and act within a fairy large boundary of reason because of that. By doing so, she is not disrespectful, harmful, or negative in any way. She is who she wants to be. That is how I will always parent her. It’s not always right; I know that. But, it’s real…and if you haven’t noticed by now, I live for a REAL and RAW life.
Sure, dealing with a stubborn toddler can be stressful and frustrating at times, but how can you fault someone for feeling what they feel? Especially someone who is learning to express those feelings. I accept it, redirect, and try again. Of course, there are non-negotiables like brushing teeth, no more snacks, etc, I don’t know. This is just far more important to me than I think others realize.
The man who gifted me this camera was essentially a social media stranger. He could tell I didn’t talk to myself nicely. A stranger saw through the social media faux positivity we push onto others and just KNEW I wasn’t kind to myself. That my inner voice held so much negative noise, he could hear it from his house.
This camera is more than a piece of equipment. It’s a perspective and a voice I kept quiet for so long for fear of not being compliant and accepted. I am so grateful to be given something that is so much more than it is. I’ll never stop praising the power of someone believing in you before you realize it yourself. A whole stranger did that for me. Never underestimate how you can change someone’s life by being yourself…
I chose a self love portrait as my ultimate birthday gift to myself. I remembered how much I felt like Xena inside, but a corward on the outside…
IT WAS TIME TO LET HER OUT.
I curated this photoshoot myself as a way to express how I feel inside. Something I felt like I could never fully express loudly until this moment in this crazy, crazy year. I am so proud of myself and really love how it all turned out. I did everything myself (the hair, the makeup, the outfit, the lighting, and the photography!)
I have found that I instantly loved natural light photography when I started using my camera. I love nature and what it provides naturally. So, in an effort to really challenge myself, I created these pictures in my dining room when everyone went to sleep! It turns out that photography backgrounds are kinda pricy! I clearly didn’t want to photograph a warrior in front of our Pinterest-style fireplace. I got creative and found special teacher’s construction paper that I used to play with as a kid. You know the ones they had on those huge rolling carts in the library with alllll the colors? The background is not perfect, but that is the whole goal of pursuing a photoshoot based on who you really are: an imperfect human being human.
I didn’t once pick myself apart when I checked the camera. That is such a strange feeling, but totally a “normal” I need. I hope everyone gets to do this for themselves one day. Whether it’s with war paint or a base face, you need to SEE yourself through your inner voice. Don’t wait for a birthday, your next paycheck, or a sign from God. Just be yourself with what you have.
Tell your own story. Don’t let the world tell you this is how its always been. Tell them this is how it’s going to be now.
The pulling on your heart isn’t there for no reason. Pursue it.
Ahhh, so I thought I was done, but I thought this was worth sharing to give a little more perspective to why this is so special to me.
One of my first Halloween’s after my parents divorced, I finally felt like I could dress up like the warriors I watched and read about in all of my books. I loved Gabrielle who was Xena’s sidekick because she was blonde like me. My mum quickly sewed a costume for me based on this character.
Look how unsure I am. 😥
I feel so sad that a girl grew up feeling so insecure that even when she got to be who she hoped to be, she still wasn’t sure.
That emptiness is so haunting to me to see in these pictures. All I can say is: give your daughters a childhood they don’t need to fix when they are older…one they don’t have to unlearn. ❤
Let them be victorious.
