WILL YOU HAVE THIS DANCE?
Admittedly, I have always wanted to go to a Daddy-Daughter Dance. I never did. Usually those occur during your elementary school years and my parents were in full-scale divorce by that time. I remember getting a flyer to bring home about the dance and some years, I crumbled it up and tossed it before it made its way home because I knew no one valued wanting to go.
Sometimes I think when kids turn into parents, we get a chance to do all of the things for our kids that wounded our hearts. As a millennial, I think our generation grew up during one of the fastest periods of technological, economic, and cultural change in modern history. We are conscious creatures because we remember both worlds in the before and after of these changes. We parent differently because we know more.
I can’t say off of us are like this, but we're often more conscious of emotional health than generations before us. We teach our children that all emotions are acceptable, even when certain behaviors are not. We apologize when we lose our patience. We encourage our kids to name their feelings instead of suppressing them. We try to model emotional regulation rather than expecting unquestioned obedience.
Perhaps the defining characteristic of millennial parenting is intentionality.
It was important to me that Ben took Waylin to the dance. It isn’t because they NEED to dance together. It was important because of hat it represents. It’s an INTENTIONAL evening where a daughter gets her dad’s undivided attention and connection.
No fault of his own, I know Ben was not thrilled about it. There definitely needed to be some encouragement, but I know taking her made her feel special.
While the emphasis is definitely on her experience with her dad, I still got to be part of this day! Underneath the surface, there’s another story unfolding that belongs to mom.
I got to zip up the dress and fastenher jewelry she'd carefully picked out. I curled her hair and added glitter on her little cheeks. I watched her twirl in front of the mirror, and listened to the excitement in her voice as she asked, "Do I look pretty?" We shared those little moments that only another girl can fully understand.
It is a testament to girlhood to be able to get her ready. My little heart outside my body. The little voice calling from the bedroom, "Mom, can you help me?" will slowly become quieter as she gets older. So, I treasure these moments deeply and never want to forget them. I feel like I live in a perspective where all of this could end one day…and it will when my time on this earth is up. In this fast world, I just want to appreciate every little thing as much as I can.
For a moment I get to stand back and watch two people I love so much create a memory together. I helped prepare the moment, and then I had the privilege of watching it unfold.
Motherhood is often like that.
Sometimes we're at center stage. Other times, our role is behind the scenes, quietly helping someone else shine. And there is so much joy in that. The daddy-daughter dance may belong to them, but the hours leading up to it will always feel like a little piece of girlhood that belongs to us. Just us.
She came home in all smiles because she had a really great time and while they don’t have to do it again, I hope they start a tradition to have a day just to themselves because no matter what, a girl needs her dad.
